i whisper your name when im asleep
i dont know how i let this happen... its really weird to click with someone as fast i clicked with you...we have the same sense of humour and our jokes mesh really well, we laugh at the same things, and sometimes i even feel like u know whats going on in my head...and i guess i saw in you the things that i love about my friends,or my siblings,their characteristics,their habits, and i also saw in you the things i wanted from someone...what i once had but lost...maybe thats why..i dont know how u did this to me...its really weird to experience the same things i used to feel, back in the [26] days... when i have you running in my mind all the time.. when i have to make an effort to distract myself, so that i dont think about you.. when i find myself wondering what you're doing at that moment..or whether you're thinking about me..cause i sure as hell am thinking about you.. and it seems like everywhere i turn, theres something that reminds me of you, whether its someone else driving the same car that you drive, or the song that u sang to me comes on the radio, or im reminded of something that you said...
whenever my phone rings, my heart stops,wondering if its you..a message, a missed call, even if so much as the backlight comes on, i pray that by some miracle, its you...and i want so badly to call you, to text you...just to see how your day has been so far..to share how mine has been so far,to share a joke,to remind you to wear ure seatbelt while you drive, to ask...."was i on your mind today?...."
but then again,another voice scolds me..that i shouldnt be feeling this way, that i shouldnt be thinking of you, that you're not worth this emotional turmoil... because thats what youre doing to me... i have no idea what i am to you...how special i am in your life...if you would care if u saw me walking around with another guy..cause sadly, i would care if i saw you with another girl...
i wish you would just tell me whats going on...u even said yourself that our situation was complicated because i didnt understand YOUR situation...but how am i supposed to understand when you dont tell me? but in a fucked up way, im too scared to ask you all the details...cause im scared i might get more bruised...and god knows im bruised enough by you alone...
soon ill realize what a waste this all is..that scolding voice will finally come through,and ill realize that ure just stringing me along, that i dont deserve to be treated like this, that i can do so much better...that even though i have no power on who you think is worthy of your time, i have power on who's worthy of MINE...
but until then...until that day of revelation, ill continue wishing that you're next to me...
sigh...
good night.
gaboo queen whispered at 12:06 AM
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